*After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on
her trips to Woolworths. Unfortunately, like most men, I found
shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally
unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to
browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter
from the local Woolworths.
Dear Mrs Jacobs,
Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a
commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behaviour and
have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our
complaints against your husband, Mr Samuel, are listed
below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.
**1. **June 15**:**Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put
them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.
**2. **July 2**:**Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to
go off at 5-minute intervals.
**3. **July 7**:**He made a trail of tomato juice on the
floor leading to the women's restroom..
**4. **July 19**:**Walked up to an employee and told her in
an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right
away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned
station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in
turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to
lose time and costing the company money.
5. August**4:**Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a
box of SMARTIES on lay-buy.
6. August 14**:**Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a
carpeted area.
7. August 15**:**Set up a tent in the camping department and
told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would
bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to
which twenty children obliged.
8. August 23**:**When a clerk asked if they could help him
he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just
leave me alone?' Paramedics were called.
**9. September 4:**Looked right into the security camera and
used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
**10. September 10:**While handling knifes in the kitchen
department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
**11. October 3:**Darted around the store suspiciously while
loudly humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.
**12. October 6:**In the auto department, he practiced his
'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.
**13. October 18:**Hid in a clothing rack and when people
browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
**14. October 21:**When an announcement came over the loud
speaker, he assumed a foetal position and screamed 'OH NO!
IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'*
**And last, but not least:*
**15. October 23:**Went into a fitting room, shut the door,
waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no
toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.*
her trips to Woolworths. Unfortunately, like most men, I found
shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally
unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to
browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter
from the local Woolworths.
Dear Mrs Jacobs,
Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a
commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behaviour and
have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our
complaints against your husband, Mr Samuel, are listed
below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.
**1. **June 15**:**Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put
them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.
**2. **July 2**:**Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to
go off at 5-minute intervals.
**3. **July 7**:**He made a trail of tomato juice on the
floor leading to the women's restroom..
**4. **July 19**:**Walked up to an employee and told her in
an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right
away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned
station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in
turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to
lose time and costing the company money.
5. August**4:**Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a
box of SMARTIES on lay-buy.
6. August 14**:**Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a
carpeted area.
7. August 15**:**Set up a tent in the camping department and
told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would
bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to
which twenty children obliged.
8. August 23**:**When a clerk asked if they could help him
he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just
leave me alone?' Paramedics were called.
**9. September 4:**Looked right into the security camera and
used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
**10. September 10:**While handling knifes in the kitchen
department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
**11. October 3:**Darted around the store suspiciously while
loudly humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.
**12. October 6:**In the auto department, he practiced his
'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.
**13. October 18:**Hid in a clothing rack and when people
browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
**14. October 21:**When an announcement came over the loud
speaker, he assumed a foetal position and screamed 'OH NO!
IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'*
**And last, but not least:*
**15. October 23:**Went into a fitting room, shut the door,
waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no
toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.*
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